So Much Sweeter.

Hello old friend! I know it's been a while since we've talked so I wanted to get you up to speed on our lives. We are starting to get settled into our home here in Forney and could not be more happier! We know without a doubt that this is right where God has called us. It's such a sweet place to be knowing you're right in the middle of God's plan for our family.  Our everyday lives are quiet and boring for the most part and we couldn't ask for more. After the storm of we have endured over the last year I'm loving the quiet boring moments of life more and more. I love the fact that on most occasions I don't have to get dressed up for anything and the majority of my days are spent on the floor in Holt's playroom watching him explore and play with his toys.

I have been reflecting a lot on what we have gone through this past year and still my mind can't comprehend half of it. I heard some lyrics of a song the other day that I feel really puts into words what I have been trying to wrap my brain around. The song said this "life tastes much sweeter when you've looked death in the face". After staring death in the face I have to agree. Our lives have forever been changed because of Holt's heart. Most everyday is just sweeter because I have a sweet little face constantly reminding me of how powerful prayer is. That without the grace and healing power of our Savior Jesus, I wouldn't have a boy to chase around everyday. Some days I have to choke back tears because I am just overwhelmed by the thought of where we've been to where we are now. I'm sure most of my friends and family are sick of hearing about our heart issues (or at least I feel that way sometimes) but I will NEVER get tired of telling the story of our miracle. I think it's because it's all just setting in. I feel like we are in the calm after the storm. Standing amidst the rebel thinking, it could have been so much worst. Picking up the pieces and trying to make since of everything. I hope you're not thinking that I'm being dramatic or that I just need to get over it and move on. Just hang with me as I process everything.

What got me thinking about all of this is,  May 11th has been a year since Josh and I started on this journey. It's a day that I will never forget. I hear the words so clearly that Dr. Day told us that day. "Your baby is very sick". When you go though something as tragic as we've have gone though a "survival mode" kicks in and you do whatever you have to get through it. So now that I feel like I can exhale and relax a little more I have been processing. And the question that I keep asking myself is "How do you say thank you to a God who saved my child?" My friend, I have no answer but to say tell him "Thank you" everyday, but even that I don't feel is enough to express my gratitude for saving our child. He didn't have to, we didn't deserve for our child's live to be spared and his heart to be healed but Jesus heard our cries and healed our child. What an incredible story Holt is going to be able to tell someday. I have and will continue to ask that God does incredible things in Holt's life with this story. I know that He has BIG plans for him bigger then anything I can dream up for him. (And yes, I like any other mother have dreams for my kiddo) I feel like when he was diagnosed with AS that our dreams were crushed. That everything we had hoped for him broken and irrelevant. That before he was born and while we watched his heart recover our dream was for his heart to just keep beating. For the first 6 months of his life I can remember countless times that I would lay him in his crib at night and just pray "Dear Jesus, please let me find him breathing in the morning" And how I couldn't wait for day to break so I would know that my child is still alive. Nighttime has been the hardest for me and every month that passes and every good checkup we have a the cardiologist, I feel like I can relax a little more. Nights are getting easier, yes, I am actually sleeping through the night and not staring at the monitor as much to make sure I can see his chest rising and falling so I know he is still breathing. Our cardiologist and I aren't having as many "is this normal" conversations ( and yes, sometimes at 2 and 3 in the morning). And we are starting to understand what our "Normal" is.

I'm pretty sure that after all we have been through this past year is why I get so excited for the quiet and boring days. I count it a privilege that I get to sit and watch my sweet child play with his toys and laugh at the strangest things.

Life is so much sweeter when you look death in the face, yes, I agree hole heartly that it's sweeter (doesn't mean it's easier) but sweeter knowing what could have been and what the LORD saved. Life is so much sweeter, that's for sure.

That's A Wrap!

Today is closing day. Yes, that's right, another offer came on our home one week after the previous contract fell through. So, this past weekend Josh and I with the assistance of some good friends packed up what was left in our house and put it in a storage unit. It's a very bitter/sweet feeling. I'm so glad to finally be moving but part of me feels like I am leaving behind an old friend. God has been so faithful to answer our prayers but it doesn't mean it's going to be easy. 

Last night after Holt was in bed I went over to the house to get the final load of our worldly possessions, and  walked through the empty house to make sure we hadn't missed anything.  After going through every closet, cabinet and drawer I turned around to look at the house one final time and choked back tears as I looked over the empty living room. It's hard letting go and moving on. As memories started flooding back, I smiled and walked out the front door for the last time. I pray that the next owners of this house are blessed abundantly more then we were while living there. 

I drove away from the house and down the road with the last little bit of our stuff I heard a song that was so appropriate for our journey ahead. If I were in a movie this would be the music playing in the background. The lyrics say this....

Hold on, to me as we goAs we roll down this unfamiliar roadAnd although this wave is stringing us alongJust know you’re not aloneCause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clearDon't pay no mind to the demonsThey fill you with fearThe trouble it might drag you downIf you get lost, you can always be foundJust know you’re not aloneCause I’m going to make this place your home

This song was so what I needed to hear as I drove away from the house that I love. I began to realize that home turned back into a house. It was just walls and a roof after all our stuff had been moved out. And now, well I have such a unique opportunity to make our new house a home. A home filled with love and laughter. A place where Holt can rest and feel safe, while his heart continues to recover and grow stronger.  A shelter from the world around us. You see I am learning a house only becomes what you make of it. Until you make it a home, it's just a house. 

So my prayer for this new house as it becomes our home is this:  

"That  dear Jesus, You would invade all You see of us

and any man, who'd walk Your road is welcomed here. Oh Jesus, come and walk the halls of this houseTread this place and turn it inside out with Your mercy...Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doorsUntil Your light floods in and illuminates these floorsAnd let Your truth be on our steps and in these roomsso our walls will be filled with Your praises.
Jesus invade... "

I long for our house to be a place of peace, where Jesus is evident in every room. That we would be different and a light for the darken world around us. I am excited to move on and create new memories under a new roof in a new city. No, the road head won't be easy but I know it will be worth it. I told Josh when we were deciding if he should take this new job or not that when I said "I Do" the day we were married it meant "I will". I will go where ever he goes and will stand beside him as he chases his dreams and I will be his biggest cheerleader as his dreams become reality. And no matter where our house is, it will always be home with him, me and our precious son Holt. 

So here's to our new house, Lord Jesus invade and make it a home! 

If Walls Could Talk...

It's not personal, it's business. Yes, my friend I learned this valuable lesson last week. You see two weeks ago our house went under contract. I did my very best to not get excited about it but sometimes you just can't help it. I felt like our prayers have been answered and the ball was rolling on our move to the metroplex. Last Monday and Wednesday Holt and I spend our days looking for a new house we could make a home. After seeing what felt like a 1000 homes, we found one! A perfect home, on a perfect street, in the perfect subdivision, just all around perfect. Josh met us at this house after he got off work and he agreed. So like any good second time home buyer we decided to sleep on it.... and let me tell you we are so very glad that we did. The next morning I got the call that no seller under contract wants to get and I'm sure no realtor wants to make. My sweet realtor broke the news to me as gently as she could. "They buyers have backed out." that and a migraine with a side of teething (which means very cranky) 6 month old is how my Thursday morning started. After I wrapped my head around the reason they backed out I felt offend and hurt. I have never been on this end of house selling before so of course there are lessons to learn.  I took if very personally that they did not want my house. Then I realized that to them it was just four walls and a roof. That haven't lived in the house like we have. There has been lots of life lived in this house.

The buyers didn't know that Josh and I bought this house together as a home to start our married life in. From the moment we bought it I knew that the Lord had blessed us with a home that is more then we deserve. And I made a promise to Him that our door would always be open to anyone that needed a place to rest, because we were blessed and wanted to bless others. Josh moved into this house a couple months before we were married and then I joined him after we got married. The day we got home from our honeymoon, before we even drove in to Tyler, my brother called and said that his house was hit by lightening and their electricity was out. He kindly asked if he and my sister in law could come stay in our guest room until they got everything worked out. So in they came, them and their two dogs. That my friend is how Josh and I spent our first night in our home. With 4 dogs and 2 guests. We decided from that moment on our "honeymoon" was over!  So this house has not only been a home to Josh and myself but it's been a retreat from the world for my brother and sister in law, who have moved in and out for over 3 years while she was battling cancer. 

They didn't know that this room has been a place of rest for two of the most dearest and precious  people in my life. My sweet sister in law, Lindsey and my son Holt. The Lord has done some mighty healing in this room and has saved two lives that are and will do incredible things in His name. This room has been a resting place for them.

They didn't know all the dinners that were cooked and shared in this kitchen. Or about the many conversations that were had sitting here after dinner. 

They didn't know that this "master retreat" has been a safe haven for Josh and myself. It's been a place for our love and relationship to grow. It was a place of rest for me during 30 weeks of my pregnancy. It''s seen it fair share of love, laughter and yes, some good ol arguments. 

 They didn't know as they walked in our living room of the many friends that have sat in here and laughed and just enjoyed each others company. Or the many Saturdays of just veggin and relaxing while watching football. Or the many hours of video games that have been played. They didn't how wonderful the back yard is. That when the weather is nice you can sit on the patio and eat dinner, and when it gets dark sit under the star with a fire in the fire pit. Oh the conversations that have been had out side by the fire.

They didn't know that I stood in this entry way and cried, tear of joy, the day Holt and I came home from the hospital. I stood staring at a house I hadn't seen in 4 long months and felt comfort because I was home. 

Im pretty sure that if the buyers knew what kind of home this house has been to us then they might not have walked away. I know that somewhere out there there is a family that is looking for a home just like this. And our prayer for this house has been and will continue to be that the next family to live here will fall in love and live life in this house like we have. Until then I'm going to keep reminding myself...

It's not personal, it's business.

From This to That.

Friday December the 7th I took Holt back to the cardiologist for a 2 month follow up. Every time I sit in the exam room with him while waiting on the echo report I get a lump in my throat and hold my breath a little.  I'm sure you can understand why, once you hear those words "your baby is very sick" it changes the way you wait for results. Dr. Laird came in sat down as normal and began to answer all my questions and listen to my concerns. As usual they are all "normal" new mom concerns but he is always so patient with me as I address my list. Once we'd reached the end of my list he gave us a report that I have no other explanation for then our prayers have been answered. Dr. Laird told us that he is just FLOORED, yup floored the how wonderful his heart looks. He said that the muscle they were concerned about when we found the AS has completely recovered and is normal. It is in the high range of normal but none the less it's normal AND it doesn't even look like the heart he started with. There is still some mild to moderate aortic stenosis but could not be more pleased with how he is doing today. We were able to stop both of his medications for his heart. There were lots tears of joy after this report. It was a moment that the only explanation for this is the Lord has answered our prayers. I can't help but see the Lord every time I look in the smiley face of that kiddo.
I still can't believe that we've gone from this....

2 days old 

to this.... a sweet 5 month old! 

Though it's been a long journey but it's one I wouldn't change for anything. Don't get me wrong I've had my moments. Those moments of "I just can't do this anymore" and usually at that moment I see the sweetest smile or hear the cutest laugh and it just melts my heart. It makes those moments where you just want to give up so worth it. I'm sure any new mom would agree with me that this baby business is hard! Sleep deprivation is intense and can make you feel like you're losing your mind. There is no selfishness in motherhood and you can kiss your independence good-bye.  I have a much deeper appreciation for mothers now. It's hard to explain and something you'll never understand until you experience it yourself. Being a mother is the most challenging, wonderfully frustrating, fantastic, rewarding adventure I've been on so far and would not change it for the anything!

I want to end with a verse that has gotten me through some pretty scary moments. It was read over Holt the first night we were admitted to the hospital, when the unknown was all we knew. I want to write the whole chapter because it has given me such great comfort during such dark times.
(Psalms 91)

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
I will say to the Lord. MY refuge and my fortress,
My God in whom I trust.
For it is He who delivers you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers ,
and under His wings you will find refuge;
His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, "The Lord is my refuge"
and you make the Most High your dwelling.
No harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
 to guard you in all your ways.
they will lift you up in their hands.
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone...

"Because he loves me" says the Lord, "I will rescue him;
 I will protect him for he acknowledges my name.
He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

And here is the big finally that I have prayed over Holt more then I can even count, it's my peace during the scariest moments of uncertainty.... I know this is the promise for this sweet kiddo.

With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."

There is a christmas song that I've heard a million times but for some reason there is a line that has just stuck with me. "Until my head agrees my heart is on it's knees" so powerful. May I be a mom and a wife who's heart is always on it's knees. I will forever and always claim this promise over Holt...."with long life You will satisfy him and show him your salvation." What a story this kiddo is going to have to tell someday. I can't wait to see the rest of it unfold.

Merry Christmas!

Out with the Old, On with the New

Crazy doesn't even being to touch the surface of how our world has been lately. I know it's been a while since I've posted so hang on I'm going to do my best to let you in on our lives these days. Since we've last talked we've had one ambulance ride (which resulted in a hospital night stay in Dallas), a GREAT report at the cardiologist appointment, 2 road trips, a couple of milestones in Holt's life and this just in, a new job for Josh! It's enough to make your head spin. Don't worry I will explain everything in this list. First things first, on the 9th Holt was three months old. I can't help but be overwhelmed with gratitude when I think of where we have come from to where we are now. I am amazed when I hold my little miracle that we have actually made it to 3 months, especially when I think back on the day when my world stood still and Josh and I were told that our sweet baby was very sick. God is so good and he has answered our prayers in such a mighty way. I'm going to jump a head and give you the latest update from our cardiology appointment. We had an echo on September 28th and our normal visit with our doctor, or so I thought. Dr. Laird entered the room and started asking how we were doing and asking about all my concerns from the last visit. He put Holt on the table and started watching him breath and answered more of my questions. Of course, my heart sank because he hadn't mentioned the echo yet and I just assumed that he was going to drop a bomb on us about the condition of Holt's heart. He did drop a bomb but it was a WONDERFUL report. He told us that there has been significant improvement in the functioning of his heart. He said that muscle in the ventricle is recovering well and his heart has shrunk in size. He told us he is very very pleased with his progress and feels comfortable with letting us come back in 2 months.  After we left his office I felt like I could exhale a little more knowing that our prayers have been answered in such a mighty way. God is so good!

This cardiology appointment was a follow up to our surprise hospital stay. Around 4:00 am on Sunday morning I was awoken by the sound of Holt crying in the monitor. I watched the monitor before getting out of bed to see if he would calm down and go back to sleep. Of course he did after a couple minutes but I was awake and my attempts to fall back asleep were unsuccessful. So I brilliantly decided to feed Holt since I was already awake in hopes of sleeping a little later. Boy was that a mistake! I started to feed Holt and he was very figidity. His was moving constantly, extending his neck and moving his arms and legs. I gave up on feeding him because he would not stop moving. It was more then normal and his breathing was rapid and different the normal. So I put him back in his crib hoping he would calm down. My plan just did not work. I woke Josh up and told him to watch Holt in the monitor. He became concerned and went to his room to pick him up and try to calm him down. After 30 minutes of trying I finally became very concerned and called the on call cardiologist. She became concerned because we were concerned and sent us to the ER. So off we went. The rest of the morning was kind of a blur. We got to the ER and they did a chest x-ray and that was the same as the previous one. The ER doctor called the cardiologist and she told him to send us her way. They explained to us that they are airing on the side of caution with him because with heart disease it could be something or it could be nothing. So with in a matter of 2 minutes there was a swarm of nurses getting Holt prepped for our transportation to Medical City. We were packed up and started out on our first ambulance ride. Once we got to Medical City we were taken to an isolation room where a respiratory therapist was standing in the room. She started listening to Holt and confirmed my fears with his breathing. She diagnosed him with nose buggers. Yes, that's right all this fuss for buggers. Don't get me wrong I would take that any day over heart problems, but it was the last thing I wanted to do that day. They kept us over night for observation and sent us home the next day.  So you can understand why I am sleeping better after our great report at the cardiologist, besides the obvious.

As for the other items on my list, well we took much needed family get-a-way to Beavers Bend for a long weekend and then last week Holt and myself went with my mother to meet my new nephew. We had such a wonderful visit to Midland with our family. While we were in Midland, Josh accepted a position with a new company. He is now a design engineer with Nucor and TODAY was his first day. Which means that we are moving! Yup, that's right- we are putting our house on the market and as soon as it sells we are moving to the metroplex. Josh's job is in Terrell. We really love the Rockwall area. So this week is a week of transition. We worked all weekend to get our house ready and staged to put on the market. We have also decided to live with my parents until our house sells since I stay home and it would be hard to leave at a moments notice with our sweet kiddo.

So that's where we are today. This week we are meeting with a realtor here in Tyler to put our house on the market and then Friday after Josh gets off of work we are going to meet with our other realtor in Dallas to look for houses over there. I know that this is an answer to our prayers and we are very excited about the possibilities with Josh' career. It's is going to be very bitter sweet to leave Tyler, but we are excited to start our new adventure. Will you join me in praying that our house sells fast? Josh has an an hour and a half commuting right now until we move there and I know that that drive is going to get really old if he has to do it for an extend period of time. I know that God is able to do exceedingly more the we can ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20) because I get to care and love on that proof everyday. So we are praying again that he would move the "mountain" in front of us and sell our house.

That my friend is what is going on in our lives today. There is never a dull moment and I am loving every minute!

Seasons

Josh and I have come to a bitter sweet decision regarding my work situation. As of today my job description reads "stay at home mommy". Yikes! It's bitter for me because I have worked with the most incredible group of people who have loved and supported me through this whole situation. I am going to miss spending my days with my friends. Please don't get me wrong, the work part I'm not going to miss, but the people absoulty! I could not have asked for a better place to work during my "working" season but the winds of change are here once again. The sweet part is I am starting a new season, the "mom" season. Really if you think about it nothing is going to change for me and Holt, it's just official now and that my friend is very scary for me. I feel like I am having an identity crisis. Let me explain, all I've ever known since college is Monday-Friday, 8-5 punching a time clock to make money to pay my bills and survive. There's a weird sense of freedom met with sheer panic going on in my brain. On one side it's yelling "freedom!" and on the other (the logical) side it's saying "Are you crazy, one income? You are going to totally rely on another individual to provide for you?" And the answer is "Yes". We are now a one income family and that is also a very scary thought for me. It completely goes against the "independent" part of my being. I know that we will adjust to this one income and someday we are going to look back and wonder how we ever survived with both of us working, but until that day there has been a LOT of chats with the Lord.

I know it's human nature to worry and fret about how we are going to make it from one day to the next and last week I was very human. I struggled with quiting my job.  I resseled with the idea that God might not provide for us. Which if you ask me in insanity talking especially if you look back on the last few months of our lives. He has done nothing but provide for us. So please bear with me here as I walk through my "humanness". On paper one might think we have gone completely nuts by going to one income. Trust me, I have questioned our sanity also. I have had many many conversations with God asking "Are you sure, do you not know what it looks like on paper? Do you know that it's almost a daily occurrence that we receive a hospital bill? Are you not aware we just brought home a kid from the NICU and a total of 12 weeks in the hospital??, You are out of your mind!" Let me just tell you what an incredible patient and wonderful loving God's answer was : "Trust Me." At night after I put Holt in his crib I have started reading from Jesus Calling a little devotional book before I fall asleep. Let me just give you the first line from three different days that I read last week. "Trust Me in the midst of a mess day." was day one. "Demonstrate your trust in me by sitting quietly in My Presence." was day two and last but not least "Living in dependence on me is a glorious adventure." was day three. And if the message was not clear enough every scripture that I read had something to do with not worrying and God's provision.  The scripture  that really hit it home was Luke 12:22 " Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, or what you will wear"  If that's not loud and clear enough then I'm not sure what is. After reading that I knew exactly what we were being called to do. I'm not sure how it could be any clearer. So Josh and I prayed about it and gave it over to the Lord.

The bible story of the boy that had two fish and five loaves of bread has been in my mind lately. I can so very much relate to him. I feel like Josh and I have 2 fish and 5 loaves financially that we have laid at the feet of Jesus, knowing that he can do with us just what he did with that boys lunch. Multiply it and feed 5000 people with it and still have some left over. I know that God still does miracles because sleeping in his crib my child Holt is nothing short of a miracle. He has done it once for our family and he can do it again.

So today and for all my tomorrows I am going to enjoy and be thankful that I have the opportunity to stay home and raise my kiddo. I know that the Lord truly does give you the desires of your heart and I was reminded of that yesterday as I was putting away laundry in Holt's room. I have always desired to be a wife and stay at home mom and yesterday as I was "talking" to Holt about clothes and reminding him of what a miracle he is it hit me, I have been given the desires of my heart! I am a wife to the most incredible man that I could have ever asked for and a mother to the sweetest and cutest miracle God has ever created. So why is it that I find myself struggling to trust that God will provide? Let's face it, I'm human! I'm just grateful that God is so patient with me and my struggles. I know that through this whole experience and all of our tomorrows I am just growing stronger and deeper in my trust in the Lord.

I am reminded of a hymn I grew up singing:
"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
 just to take Him at His Word.
 Just to rest upon His promise:
and to know, "thus saith the Lord"

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!"

Oh, for grace to trust Him more. I am daily learning this lesson, and until I get it down- well I'm pushing the 'repeat' button to help remind me!

Flexibility

I have learned that flexibility is essential to our survival with this kiddo. I'm sure it's essential with any new baby but I feel it is especially with mine. This past week I put into practice this valuable lesson. Last Friday, Holt was scheduled to be circumcised in Dallas at a pediatric urology clinic. We have had the hardest time getting this done in Tyler because he was not born here and they won't touch him until he is at least 1 years old. Even then he would have to be admitted to the hospital and put to sleep to have the procedure. I would like to avoid the hospital as much as possible so I was not to keen on that idea.  Holly (the cardio NP) told me that they have many heart/NICU babies that this happens to and gave me name of this group. So I called them up and scheduled the procedure while it can still be done in the office. They do this in the office while he is under 10 pounds. Which is perfect for us because  at the time Holt was weighing in at 8 pounds 11 ounces.

Thursday afternoon I packed the car up and we headed to Dallas to spend the night with a dear friend of mine from college. Before I left I had noticed that Holt was sounding a little congested and wheezing a little bit but I just chalked it up to my paranoia and trucked on down the road. When we got to my friends house that afternoon I feed this lil guy and he threw up the whole bottle. Then of course I started to get worried! He was feeling warm and still breathing funny, but again I just thought I was being paranoid. We had a wonderful afternoon just catching up and letting our boys meet each other. That evening he threw up his 6 o'clock bottle and then again at 9 o'clock. He was feeling very warm so I took his temperature and it was 99.6. Which to any normal baby that is not that bad of a fever, but for a kiddo who just 2 weeks before started out with a low grade fever and with in 24 hours was hospitalized due to fever, well let's just say it had his mommy concerned. He was also showing some symptoms that they had told me to watch for, so I did as instructed and called the on call cardiologist. After explaining what was going on my instructions were to give him Tylenol and keep checking his temperature. If it went to 101.0 or greater then it was off to the emergency room at Medical City for us. Dr. Laird told us to call him in the morning and let him know how he was doing. That night was a long night for us, because my sweet baby just did not feel good. He slept very well all and most of the night until about 3 am. After feeding him I rocked him back to sleep and tried to put him in the pack-n-play, but he just did not want to be put down. So I held him for the remainder of the night.

The next morning I called Dr. Laird as soon as the office opened and told him not much had changed. I was told to come in as soon as I could get there to be checked out. So off to the dr. office we went. On the way I cancelled the appointment with the urologist, which is why we originally came down there. At that moment I realized that there is never going to be a dull moment with this child, and that's ok because I've never been one to take the easy road and I'm afraid my child is following suit. At the cardiologists we had an EKG and an Echo to rule out this was a heart problem. Praise the Lord it was just "normal baby stuff". We were given an excellent report! His heart function has improved more from the last echo we had done at the office on Aug. 1st and though his heart is still enlarged it is smaller in size. Praise the Lord for some good news! I will take a sick kid any day of the week as long as his heart is functioning properly. We were asked to stay in town for the weekend just in case we needed to be hospitalized if his fever got higher or his breathing worsened.  On a funny side note, Holt was wheezing and grunting and coughing all evening, night and morning but as soon as we got to the Dr's office, he was perfectly fine! I just laughed, because it would happen like that. I'm sure Dr. Laird thinks I need to spend a few days in the loony bin, or at least I felt that way. Sweet Holly (the NP) came into check on us before we left the office and she reassured me that they don't think I'm loony. I will forever be grateful for what she said to me. She told me that being a new mom in itself will make you feel like you're a little crazy but add something to it like a heart problem and it for sure make you feel like you're going insane. She reassured me that I am doing a great job and they are so very impressed with his progress and extremely pleased with where we are today. I am so thankful for her! I felt a little less loony after talking to her.

Before we left the office we were given symptoms to watch for and asked to hang around the metroplex for a couple of days to make sure he gets better before he head back to Tyler. And that is exactly what we did. Josh came in town after work on Friday and we stayed with our friends for the weekend. Though Holt did not feel good we had such a wonderful weekend! There is nothing like spending time with wonderful friends, it does wonders for the soul. Sunday afternoon we came back to Tyler. Holt hasn't run fever since Saturday evening and he is just a happy, healthy for now baby. My prayer now is that we can make it 3 weeks without getting sick. I've decided to take it one week at a time and consider it a small victory that 1. we weren't hospitalized again for the fever and 2. that we made it two weeks before we got sick again. So here's to making it 3 weeks.

As far as the circumcision, well my sweet boy weighs 9 pounds 1 ounce and if he keeps putting on the weight like he has been then he will be too big for the procedure in the office. I have rescheduled the appointment for September 4, when we go back to Dallas for another check up with the cardiologist.  If he is over 10 pounds then we will just have a consult at the urologist and wait until he is 4-6 months to have the procedure. And of course, we will have to be hospitalized for this procedure. If he is under 10 pounds then we can have the procedure done that day. I am not holding my breath that we will be under 10 pounds and I am not looking forward to another hospital stay,   I keep reminding myself that it could be worse. I am thankful we are where we are today. I know it is only by the grace of a mighty God that Holt is where he is today!

I have a motto that I try to live by and it applies so well for our tomorrows: "Blessed are the flexible for the will not break" So here's to flexibility!