From This to That.

Friday December the 7th I took Holt back to the cardiologist for a 2 month follow up. Every time I sit in the exam room with him while waiting on the echo report I get a lump in my throat and hold my breath a little.  I'm sure you can understand why, once you hear those words "your baby is very sick" it changes the way you wait for results. Dr. Laird came in sat down as normal and began to answer all my questions and listen to my concerns. As usual they are all "normal" new mom concerns but he is always so patient with me as I address my list. Once we'd reached the end of my list he gave us a report that I have no other explanation for then our prayers have been answered. Dr. Laird told us that he is just FLOORED, yup floored the how wonderful his heart looks. He said that the muscle they were concerned about when we found the AS has completely recovered and is normal. It is in the high range of normal but none the less it's normal AND it doesn't even look like the heart he started with. There is still some mild to moderate aortic stenosis but could not be more pleased with how he is doing today. We were able to stop both of his medications for his heart. There were lots tears of joy after this report. It was a moment that the only explanation for this is the Lord has answered our prayers. I can't help but see the Lord every time I look in the smiley face of that kiddo.
I still can't believe that we've gone from this....

2 days old 

to this.... a sweet 5 month old! 

Though it's been a long journey but it's one I wouldn't change for anything. Don't get me wrong I've had my moments. Those moments of "I just can't do this anymore" and usually at that moment I see the sweetest smile or hear the cutest laugh and it just melts my heart. It makes those moments where you just want to give up so worth it. I'm sure any new mom would agree with me that this baby business is hard! Sleep deprivation is intense and can make you feel like you're losing your mind. There is no selfishness in motherhood and you can kiss your independence good-bye.  I have a much deeper appreciation for mothers now. It's hard to explain and something you'll never understand until you experience it yourself. Being a mother is the most challenging, wonderfully frustrating, fantastic, rewarding adventure I've been on so far and would not change it for the anything!

I want to end with a verse that has gotten me through some pretty scary moments. It was read over Holt the first night we were admitted to the hospital, when the unknown was all we knew. I want to write the whole chapter because it has given me such great comfort during such dark times.
(Psalms 91)

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
I will say to the Lord. MY refuge and my fortress,
My God in whom I trust.
For it is He who delivers you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers ,
and under His wings you will find refuge;
His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, "The Lord is my refuge"
and you make the Most High your dwelling.
No harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
 to guard you in all your ways.
they will lift you up in their hands.
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone...

"Because he loves me" says the Lord, "I will rescue him;
 I will protect him for he acknowledges my name.
He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

And here is the big finally that I have prayed over Holt more then I can even count, it's my peace during the scariest moments of uncertainty.... I know this is the promise for this sweet kiddo.

With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."

There is a christmas song that I've heard a million times but for some reason there is a line that has just stuck with me. "Until my head agrees my heart is on it's knees" so powerful. May I be a mom and a wife who's heart is always on it's knees. I will forever and always claim this promise over Holt...."with long life You will satisfy him and show him your salvation." What a story this kiddo is going to have to tell someday. I can't wait to see the rest of it unfold.

Merry Christmas!