Sometimes, It's Just Not About Me!

Another week has come and gone! I feel like I have a count down in my head, of course we don't have an exact date of delivery yet- so it's kind of a count down to nowhere but I feel like we are on the home stretch. I am 37 weeks this week and they are talking about delivering me somewhere around 39. So it's just a round the corner. Last weeks scans were great. We are still stable. The echo is still showing the same improvement from a couple weeks ago. The cardiologist that came by last week seemed positive. They are liking what they are seeing on the echos. He told me that at 36 weeks they are considering me full term but they want him to get as big as he can so they are waiting until 39 weeks to deliever. Also studies have shown that delivering before 39 weeks there is a higher risk of learning disabilities and they want to give him the best chance possible for a "normal" life. I agree, heart disease is enough for one little boy. It's conforting to know that if he was delievered before planned we are in the "safe zone".   The sonograms are still looking good. He is weighing 6 pounds and 1 ounce. We are fully expecting him to be 7-7.5 pounds! I was go glad to hear that he is a good size. I know that this good report is only because God is answering our prayers. So thank you for your continued prayer over our family.

As the day draws nearer to meeting our little boy I can help but have mixed emotions. I am so excited to at some point to meet and hold him but I know before we can just be somewhat back to normal living we have a long road ahead. With everyday that passes I become a little more homesick then the day before. I love seeing my family on the weekends and I am so excited to see some of my friends on Friday for my shower, but there is just something about home, ya know. I'm kind of starting to forget what my house even looks like ;) I know that right now I am extra hormonal so add that to the mix and you've got a very strange reciepe for homesickness, oh yes and of course sleep depravision. I've kinda given up on the whole concept of sleep- the nurses on the floor here are so wonderful in letting me "sleep in" as much as I can. Instead of checking on me before 8 they are now waiting for me to call them when I am awake. I am very grateful for that because the best sleep I get these days happens in the morning.

Please don't get me wrong about this post- I am so happy to be where I am (as strange as that sounds) because I know we are getting the very very best care and there is a plan for after his birth. And for that I would sit here for a 1000 weeks if that's what it took to make sure he is safe and gets the very best care possible. It just doesn't make the waiting any easier. Actually, yesterday as I was reflecting over the past couple of weeks I found myself thanking the Lord for this situation. I know what you're thinking- really? you're thankful? and yes, I have come to that place in this journey where I am at peace with everything, and I know no matter what the outcome I will never be forgotten or unloved. If anything I feel like my walk with the Lord has become stronger. I mean how can it not?  I know that through all of this the Lord has and will continure to be glorified and I will walk through whatever he asks because I know he has promised he will never leave us nor forsake us.

I have a story that I was given in yr. high or high school that I carry in my bible and I want to share it with you- I have been reminded of it several times and I find it very fitting for today! I'll give you the short version.
There was a young girl who went rock climbing and when she got to the top of the mountain she lost her contact. After a while of looking for it she sat down on a rock and began to wonder how she is ever going to get down from the top of the mountain. She felt the panic rising in her, so she began to pray. She prayed for calm and that she would find her contact lens. While she was praying she thought of the verse "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth" and she continued in prayer " Lord, you can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me."
After sitting for a while she got up and slowly made her way down to the bottom of the mountain. On her way down she passed other climbers and one of them yelled "Hey, did anyone loose a contact lens?" 
Well, that would be startling enough. But you know why the climber saw the contact lens? An ant was moving slowly across a twing on the face of the rock, carrying it!
The story doesn’t end there.
This girl's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption:

I love this story because it reminds me that sometimes it's not about me! In my little bubble I often think that life is about me, I can be so selfminded!  I can identify with the ant. Many times I have prayed this prayer the ant prayed. "Lord, I don't know why you want us to carry this thing, I don't understand why you choose us to deal with heart disease. But, if this is what You want for us to do we'll carry it for You."  Sometimes we are asked to "carry" things not for ourselves but for the sake of others. And that's what I keep reminding myself, sometimes it's just not about me and for all other times, I am remined of the verse that says " Give all your worries to Him because He cares for you" . (1 Peter 5:7) 

I am grateful that we have many friends who are walking through this journey with us. I cannot say thank you enough for your prayers and encouragement and walking with me down this road. Please continue to pray for healing but also will you join with me in praying for wisdom for Josh and myself? We are taking on a new role that we have no clue how to do but we are praying we can be the best parents to our sweet boy.

 Also, the doctors have started "preparing" us for what to expect when he delievers. Please pray for our hearts, we have been told the first 48 hours are going to be the hardest. There will be a lot going on and we have been told to expect him to do good one mintue and not good the next and this rollercoaster ride will continue for the first 48 hours until they get him stable. I am already hormonal enough, so I can only imagine what emotions we will feel in the days to come. Also pray that his heart will be strong enough to wait atleast 24 hours after birth before they need to do the heart cath. I could go on and on about things to pray about but we'll start with these. Don't worry I've got atleast 3 weeks of blogging left- so there will be plenty of time for more request!

Our God is a migthy God and I know he still moves mountains!
Thank you for your prayer!