We're just one phone call from our knees...

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 )

What a fitting verse for our situation. I never in a million years would have ever dreamed that I would be spending the last days (hopefully months) of my pregnancy in a hospital. But here we are. The Lord gave me this verse this past weekend, to comfort me in one of the darkest moments. This whole experience has been a reminder to me of how important it is to memorize scripture.

Around 2:30 Saturday morning I woke up and started processing the events of the day. A wave of terror struck me and my mind went a million places. All I could do was desperately cry out to the Lord to save my son. Scripture instantly started flooding my mind and then I felt the peace that surpasses all understanding calm my spirit. At this point, the future for our little blessing was so unclear, and the only answer we had was, "You're not going anywhere."

So, after calming down, I knew that this is what the Lord was calling me to do... consider this trial PURE JOY... no matter the outcome. I'm giving it my best shot. I also knew that this would be the title to the blog I was planning to start to give updates. My heart for this blog and this whole situation has been, and will always be, that God gets the glory. Because without Him I am nothing!
I'm going to start at the beginning, to help me process the chain of events as they happened from the start until now. I will do my best to try to update as much as I can.

Friday May 11- This was a day that I thought was just like every other Friday. I woke up a little later then normal because my appointment with my OB wasn't until 9:30.. I got ready for the day and headed out on my way. While driving to my appointment, I was going though my list of things I needed to accomplish during the weekend. I had invited my parents to the sonogram with me so they could see our little guy. Of course they were thrilled to come, and I am so glad they were there!

We got checked in and were called back to the room to start the sonogram. It was going perfectly (or so I thought) at first, and then I noticed that the sonographer kept going back to look at his heart. Then came the words that started the next chain of events. "I need to let Dr. Carl come take a look at something." And, out of the room she went. About 3 seconds later they both entered the room. After what seemed like an eternity of them looking at the screen, my doctor turned to me and said "We see an abnormality in your babies heart. I'm going to call a cardiologist in the Laird group in Dallas and get you an appointment to check this out next week, come over to my office when you're finished here and we'll get everything set up."

We finished up the sonogram, and then I sent my parents on their merry way back to work. I told them I would update them when I knew more. Then, I was taken back to the exam room for what I thought was going to be another normal check up. Dr. Carl walked in the room and sat down. The first words our of her mouth were that this was divine intervention that I had this sonogram. A sonogram at 30 weeks pregnant is not normal standard of care.

At my previous check up I asked for this sono because I just felt like I needed to see my baby again (even I thought I was crazy for asking, but I asked anyway). I completely agree with her that it was prompting from a very caring God, who has our very best interests at heart. She proceeded to tell me that what she saw could be nothing or it could be very serious. She had spoken with Dr. Verma, a pediatric cardiologist in Dallas, and they wanted me to immediately go to Sulphur Springs for an echocardiogram. Within seconds, I had all my records, the sonogram report, and directions, and I was out the door.

At this point my head was spinning. I wasn't really sure what was going on, so I called my husband, Josh, and all that I could muster our of my mouth was, "There is something wrong with our baby's heart".

He, in his very sweet way, calmed me down, and I explained what was going on. He said he would meet me at home, and we would head to Sulphur Springs. I am so grateful for such wonderful parents who dropped everything and came with us.

The drive to Sulphur Springs was pretty uneventful, just a lot of questions spinning in my head. We arrived at the facility. I started to realize the situation was serious when, as soon as I walked in the doctor's office, they asked, "Are you Mrs. Littlefield? We've been expecting you. "

Josh and I were taken back into an exam room where Dr. Day was waiting for us. He got set up and started the echo. When he was finished he sat back with a very serious look on his face said, "I don't want to sugarcoat this. You have a very sick baby and he has a 50 % survival rate." Then he started to explain. The left ventricle of his heart was enlarged. They gave us the diagnosis of cardiomyopathy (which is a big word for enlarged heart). Of course, after that, everything became a blur.

We were told to go straight to Medical City in Dallas and check into the labor and delivery unit. Dr. Day started naming off all these doctors that would come see us and all the tests that would be performed. Before we left, he went out and sat down with my parents and us in the waiting area and explained to my parents what was going on. He answered as many questions as he could. He was wonderful to allow us as much time as we needed to process this information. Just before he sent us on our way, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, "This is not your fault. You did nothing to create this, nothing you ate or didn't eat. You didn't walk, or not walk enough. This is not your fault."
I will be forever grateful for those words because I needed to hear that I had nothing to do with this.

We drove to Dallas and came straight to Labor and Delivery. By the time I got in the room and all hooked up, I was having contractions 6 minutes apart. So on top of everything else, they had to stop my contractions. We saw 2 doctors that night and they kept saying the same thing, "We need more information before we can tell what's going on."

Saturday consisted of more sonograms and meeting more doctors. The diagnosis did not change and we were told that we would have an echo on Monday and meet with more doctors. I feel like there are about 20 doctors that have been consulted on this case, and the only piece of definitive information they could give me was that I am not going home until I deliver. As long as we stay stable, and there is no change in Holt's health or mine, our orders were to get comfortable. I was transferred from labor and delivery to an antepartum room, which will hopefully be my home for many weeks.